Chicken Interstate Crossing and the Fog of Doom

August 2005 was a strange, exciting, and terrifying time of life. Yes, I'm going back that far. Really, this was the turning point that started all the events that would change who I was and how I viewed life. Before then I had never left home for more than a week without my family and grew up in the same town and same church for almost 20 years. So really, August 2005 was the beginning of the real adventure.

It was time to experience life and figure out who I was on my own. It was time for college.

Now, this was quite a few firsts for me at that point. Let's see:

- First time living away from family for an extended period
- First time moving somewhere I didn't know a soul on earth
- First time in a relationship (for some other post)
- First time driving long distance all on my own
- First time driving through the night
- First time living with people I'd never met

I was very excited about going to college (especially since two of my best friends had already been in college for at least two years) and if anybody has ever had that anxious feeling before going on a trip and can't seem to fall asleep, they know how I felt. Except, there was one difference, I wasn't planning on sleeping.

From what I understood, move-in started at 10am on the day of orientation. I'm pretty sure at that time to me this meant orientation was in the morning (but of course it was actually in the afternoon/early evening). So I decided I would drive through the night and get there early in the morning. I attempted to get a few hours sleep before heading out at midnight for what was calculated to be a 9 1/2 hour drive. With my '88 Honda Accord packed to the ceiling with my mother's help (I'm always still surprised all that stuff fit in my little car every semester) I said a final goodbye to my family and drove out of the city, frightened and excited at the same time.

There were of course a few issues to this whole crazy plan of mine. One, I had never driven more than an hour and a half on my own before. Second, at that time of my life I was notorious for being terrible at navigating. When I went to visit friends at K-State a year before somehow I couldn't find the super obvious exit to the highway. This was before GPS, cell phones (especially smart phones), and anything else you could think of to circumvent horrible navigating skills. All I had was my car, excessive amount of stuff, and an atlas. And of course, one can only look at an atlas so much in the wee hours of the morning.

Somewhere around 3 or 4 in the morning, I was coasting along just fine when I saw something on the side of the interstate (at this point I think I was in Iowa). To the right I saw, of all things, I chicken start to run across the interstate. I don't remember having to avoid it and I'm pretty sure it got across safe. But I couldn't help but wonder why that chicken was by an interstate in the middle of nowhere.

A couple hours later (I think I had filled up with gas once at this point) and a dense fog rolled in. To this day I still haven't finished a thicker fog. I could barely see two car lengths in front of me (not fun when going over 60mph). At first I thought I could tough it out but other cars passed me and it felt like they came out of nowhere. I seriously felt like I could die. Fortunately there was a rest stop not too far off and I pulled off. No more cars speeding by me blindly at 80mph in blinding fog. I still remember the yellow lights shining through it, that strange and eery feeling.

So I slept for an hour (which I needed) to wait out the fog. It had cleared by the time I was awake.

Everything else was pretty easy going, until I got close to Chicago. At this point I was tired and still terrible with navigation. I ended up taking the wrong exit and going the opposite direction of the school. It took half an hour before I turned around. Got to admit, I was kind of freaking out. At some point I finally managed to take the right exit and find the school.

In the end, my 9 1/2 hour drive turned into an almost 11 1/2 hour drive. I'm definitely not as bad at navigating these days. Of course, getting to the school was like setting one foot out the door (I was still very shy back then) and I had all kinds of other worries. But people were welcoming, I settled in, and continued on my way. Met people, did things, learned things, but those are other stories for another time.

Looking Back

It's that age old idea that hindsight is 20/20, right?

I've realized it's an old idea because of how relevant it always is. It's so common for us to look back on the things that we do and wish we could have done this or that differently. Of course, we can't. Some of it we get right but more often than not I've noticed (at least for me) I get it very, very wrong. So instead I try to take where I've messed up, see what was actually my fault, and take that and learn from it. Then instead of focusing on the past, I attempt to focus on the present and the future.

Of course I make sure I don't ever forget the past because without that I wouldn't be able to make the adjustments for what I need to do now.

So I've decided I need to, one post at a time, look back on some of the events that have occurred in life to bring me to today. I have a feeling at times this might end up feeling a little like a journal (though hopefully less). But for those who do end up reading, I hope what you get isn't so much a boring set of documents. Rather, I do hope you end up on a journey with me, much like you would a novel. Hopefully it will be more entertaining than boring and something good will come out of it.

Here are some things there's a good chance I'll cover over time:

- College life
- My first time living in LA (and how my thoughts have changed)
- Moving back home
- Joining the Army
- Student film
- Features (primarily my experience working on mine)
- Living in Hawaii
- My experiences on film sets acting or as crew
- Relationships
- Any other fun anecdote I find interesting about life

Obviously, I haven't wrote anything since 2009, and even then very little, so there is a lot to go about. But hopefully I won't throw out too much all at once. If I do, I'll try and keep each post a little shorter and focused for better browsing ability.

Whatever happens, I hope you enjoy learning from my life stories as much as I have!

A Fresh Perspective

I stumbled across this blog again today after four years of it just sitting around in some kind of blog limbo. Granted, looking back from when I first started righting it I don't feel it's a very interesting blog. I shared little information that really didn't provide much insight into, well, anything. Okay, sure, I moved to LA in 2009 (or at least back in the summer), I had trouble finding work, found work then lost it then ....

Yeah, that's kind of how I felt re-reading it.

But of course, now it's July 2013 and it's incredible how much has changed, how much I changed. And so I have decided to begin this blog again for a couple reasons.

1. So anybody who really cares about what happened might read this and know what's happened in my life.
2. Maybe someday somebody will stumble upon this blog and glean something interesting and perhaps helpful (that's happened to me stumbling on other blogs).

So, now from a fresh perspective, I aim to update this blog more often. Slowly I plan to work back from that point I left off (and perhaps even before then) and share my thoughts and lessons from life, people, and projects here for everyone to read, enjoy, hate, and learn.

How it continues...

I found work with a temp agency. The upside: decent pay. The downside: I worked only two days last week and won't work again until next week. I got cut from a crew because I different company brought in workers.

I'm at least not near flat broke. My family bought my Nintendo Wii from me. I have money for food and gas. I get a small paycheck friday and soon some income will come in from half.com.

God continues to provide. It's hard sometimes, but life is still good. I especially could see that this weekend spending time with friends. It was a good birthday weekend. I don't think I could have asked for a better birthday.

Where It Stands

I continue to have crazy dreams. I'm still looking for a job. I need more community.

That's the nutshell version of my current life. Here's a bit more detailed version:

I got out quite a bit this past weekend and hung out with friends. It was good times. I'm broke to the point where I can barely buy myself food and was blessed enough to be able to work something out with the man who owns the house I'm living in so that I can do labor around the house to pay for rent. So that's a plus. How God will provide everything continues to be a mystery to me but I know that he will. I'm getting some more income soon because my family has willingly bought my Nintendo Wii from me in order to help me out in my current situation.

I find myself needing to live with other people who believe what I do. I continuously remember what I friend asked me before I moved here. She said, "Are they Christians? Because that's important when you're finding a roommate. It's the same when finding the person you marry." So I need a change. It's been good here and God has been teaching me to grow in different ways but I definitely need a lot more community.

I helped on a film project acting as a drunk guy who hits on a woman in a dilusion sequence. Fun times and met some nice people.

I've also recently discovered how many people that know me have been praying for me and knowing that in itself has been a great blessing. What saddens me, though, is how few of those people are living here in LA. It makes it hard to not ask questions like "Where is the love here?" when it feels as if it is all coming from the outside.

Sometimes we make small sacrifices to do the things we love. Sometimes we make large sacrifices. And sometimes we make even larger sacrifices to chase the things that we feel God wants us to do. But in the end, it's all worth it, because God has a plan and His plans are always good.

Another day ... another dollar ... or not.

July 6. I've been here a month. Still no job. Another month will mean another rent. I need a job. I need an income. I've been searching hard. Nothing has come about. Pray that God provides.

Solitude

Heavy sinking, the ball drops to the floor.
The ocean rocking, the sea shell reaches the shore.
The feeling arches, despair taking control.
In this moment, hope releases all hold.

The memories ache, the world spins,
Where do I go when there are no more wins?
In a sinking feeling with the shadows,
There I do remain.

These fearsome beasts with their icy hold,
Grasp my limbs and force me to the fold.
From the bottom I wait for it to come,
Hope to surface in the rising sun.

The world awaits my soon return and rise,
Tracing yet another line in which it cries.
But there is no return from this dark presence,
When the world is void of all but one.

What happens when they all have said goodbye.